Origami Birds

breathe in slowly.

2012-02-09T16:23:00.002-06:00

recently.

2012-02-04T19:41:00.001-06:00

photoshoot.

2012-02-02T20:02:00.003-06:00

finally learning how to use my camera. frustrating sometimes but others somewhat productive.

lately.

2012-01-22T21:15:00.001-06:00

friday. the thirteenth.

2012-01-13T20:28:00.001-06:00

new camera.

2012-01-11T20:40:00.000-06:00

grace comes like a theif in the night.

2012-01-05T20:55:00.001-06:00

that yellow chair.

2012-01-02T19:18:00.002-06:00

threehundred and sixy five.

2011-12-31T16:52:00.000-06:00

dreamcatcher.

2011-12-30T18:16:00.000-06:00

Defying gravity.

2011-12-29T19:55:00.002-06:00

a new place.

2011-12-28T20:33:00.000-06:00

christmas eve!

2011-12-24T18:11:00.002-06:00

writing parties and hair.

2011-12-19T22:05:00.002-06:00

a christmas carol.

2011-12-18T19:07:00.000-06:00

that time of year.

2011-12-17T21:05:00.001-06:00

All the trees

Are losing their leaves,

Except for a few,

Here and there.

They kept all their leaves

Green,

Not a single one

Red or brown.

Those trees said,

“Pah- lose my leaves?

Who would do such a thing?-

Much too mainstream

For me.”

But before you know it,

T’will be the other way around-

Those losing their leaves

Will be the hipster trees!

out in the middle of nowhere

2011-12-17T20:54:00.002-06:00

that room.

2011-12-14T20:52:00.004-06:00

times untold.

2011-12-11T15:01:00.001-06:00

Times untold

Of rain, of sleet

Of my twisted sheet;

My head is fuzzy

And my toes are cold

But these words won’t leave

Until they are told.

The clock moves on,

Chills run up my spine

I want to start afresh

But first I must simply unwind.

Why, you say,

But I must let the words flow,

For I can feel them,

Deep down in my toes.

An ache runs through me-

For this day, old

Yet in days to come

Good things are still to unfold.

I wrote all this poetry on friday night. My brain was very strange and I was not myself, being in the middle of a very strange allergic reaction. but I got some interesting poetry out of it. I could not control the stream of words pouring out of my pen.

snow.

2011-12-11T15:00:00.003-06:00

A coat of white arms

You take on each year;

You’ve turned a new leaf,

You might say.

The whistle-wind blows

And you shiver yet

Your white clothes

Fall to the ground,

Snow.

nowhere to be found.

2011-12-11T15:00:00.001-06:00

I sunk through my bed

Till I hit the ground;

I looked all around me

But I was nowhere

To be found.

What is this? – I say,

Have I left me behind?

I really thought I was all here,

This indeed is

Unkind.

A poem I wrote on friday night.

christmas party

2011-12-10T20:58:00.001-06:00

new socks= happy clara

2011-12-10T20:48:00.001-06:00

pie and hair.

2011-12-08T21:54:00.001-06:00

his face a book.

2011-12-05T19:47:00.001-06:00

His hands were black
Yet it was those fingerprints
That had once memorized
The colours of the sky.
They weren’t always that way,
But now his fingertips are black
And his eyes are blind;
And he sits motionless,
Not much life left in him.
Yet there were times,
Few and far between,
When he remembered
the colours of the forest
and his fingers itch
to once again
pull the colours onto a blank page.
But he cannot.
His life in incomplete,
His face a book
Not worth reading anymore.

trees.

2011-12-02T17:56:00.001-06:00

Ode to a portrait.

2011-11-28T20:53:00.000-06:00

They walk by, they stand for a few moments
And stare
But their eyes don’t study the details,
They don’t notice all the little folds
The artist carefully froze in place-
The pleats of a skirt-
But they move on to the next painting.
Their eyes harshly fly over me
Judging, criticizing,
Yet I must smile and
Forever hold my peace,
Frozen in a cold, lifeless,
Two-dimensional painting.

written in a museum.

human scarecrow.

2011-11-28T20:49:00.001-06:00

2011-11-27T21:32:00.001-06:00

The bones in my chest
Heaved as I drew
Just one last breath
And yet the cold lingered
In the curves of my wrists.
My eyes absorbed
The waves and loops
Of your handwriting
And these things,
You had said to me.
But I could not believe that it was true;
You know
That I know
I do not belong here.

A day at the art museum.

2011-11-26T21:02:00.003-06:00

soup in a breadbowl! so so tasty.

Rory the gingerbread man.

A Tide of Thoughts.

2011-11-25T21:50:00.000-06:00

This tide of thoughts
Is swelling and swirling
And my mind is overcapacitated.
This silhouette of sound
Rolls upward in a swift moment
And we
Are no more;
The boat capsized in the storm.

happy thanksgiving.

2011-11-24T21:24:00.000-06:00

pumpkins & large sweaters. this is life.

scanography.

2011-11-23T21:55:00.000-06:00

shoulders.

2011-11-22T22:06:00.000-06:00

stairss

2011-11-21T21:47:00.000-06:00

friday.

2011-11-19T20:09:00.003-06:00

meghan.

2011-11-17T20:30:00.003-06:00

cool tree^
This is meghan, one of my best friends. my sister ellie took her senior pictures today because she does stuff like that, so I tagged a long and had to carry everything... but I got to take pictures too. :) She is gorgeous.

raking leaves.

2011-11-16T22:14:00.000-06:00

someone told me that my shirt made them think of robin hood. it made my day.

her breath against the glass.

2011-11-14T20:52:00.000-06:00

She would sit against the window and see her breath against the cold glass, and pretend she was as carefree as one of the snowflakes falling outside her window. Her eyes were turning black instead of brown and you could see a sort of desperation behind them whenever you caught her unaware. The dark circles under her eyes only grew bigger, and yet whatever she did, they wouldn’t go away. She smiled once but it was really more of a grimace than a smile. I found her one day, and when she turned around, her lips were pressed bitterly together, and I could see tears that she struggled to suppress in the corners of her eyes. She would sit on the roof and stare at the sky, not caring that the cold wind was piercing her collar bones. And she would wish she was a bird, so that she could fly away from all her troubles. Her heart was heavy and she would blindly run outside to the crisp air and let the wind tear at her. She was not okay. She was hurting. She had built walls around her heart that not even I could see over. But I knew her heart was in pieces, and I knew that if someone didn’t do something, if something didn’t happen, the rest of her would fall apart.

Planting trees.

2011-11-12T20:03:00.003-06:00

and yet there is beauty among the thorns.The tree dance.

fill these empty hands.

2011-11-06T19:53:00.001-06:00

todayyy

2011-11-05T21:42:00.000-05:00

past couple of days.

2011-11-02T20:39:00.002-05:00

Unraveling.

2011-11-02T11:01:00.001-05:00

Everything, everything was unraveling.

Tears would well up inside, but she didn’t let them spill out, and she would feel her strength leave her. But she clung to what strength she could; she grasped the unraveling ends and tied a knot, a huge knot, of tangled hurt and anxiety.

Her feet became unreliable and she never knew if with the next step she took, she would fall through the floor, her unraveling feet hanging far below her.

Her stomach was queasy and yet she tried to steady herself. When the nausea passed, she walked forward on unsteady feet, the ground seemingly shifting beneath her. She had hidden away the pain with the knot she had tied, and she ignored the reality that her world was falling apart. She was becoming numb to the pain, she was ignoring the truth. She put up walls around her, blocking out the world, and anyone that might care. And somehow, she stumbled along in the dark. She felt the knot come loose, so she pulled on the loose ends as hard as she could; gritting her teeth against the pain, and walked forward with her eyes closed to the anguish around her. The people who saw her saw only a pale mirage of what she had once been. She was as pale as a ghost; yet she had once been vibrant. They would inquire about her yet she would say, “I’m fine.”

She could only take it for so long. So after many days, her eyes were opened, and a light shone into the darkness she had surrounded herself with. Her feet were lifted to the Solid Rock, and she finally opened her ears to hear the voice of her creator, the voice of Him who loved her with unconditional love. Her strength was spent, and her arms were weary from holding on to her entangled anxiety, so she finally let go.

She let go of her hurt, of her anxiety, and of the knot she had tried so hard to tie. She let go of her bitterness, and she gave up trying to control situations she could not control anyway. She let herself cry for once, simply just cry until all her tears were gone and she could see the hope of a new day. She let it go, instead of holding it all inside. She could see again, and she would stay in the love of her Creator; she found the pattern and began to weave in her unraveled heartstrings. And she learned to breathe again. Perhaps, now, she could learn to love again.

this, this is me the past couple of weeks.

i hit rock bottom but now, finally, i am reaching the surface.

2011-10-30T16:57:00.000-05:00

There is a straining.

2011-10-26T21:37:00.003-05:00

There is a straining between us.
My heart strains to hear yours beat in response and yet, I strain in vain. For all I hear, all I have ever heard, is silence.

My child, be careful whom you listen to.

2011-10-26T21:16:00.002-05:00

Inspired by Erin Rena.

my birthday is today.

2011-10-22T20:36:00.002-05:00

birthday pie!
this makes me happy.

this morning.

prints!

2011-10-20T20:42:00.001-05:00

Guilty.

2011-10-19T15:13:00.000-05:00

Guilty! They cried. Guilty!
The words were like daggers, piercing her soul.
She looked down at her hands to see dirt mixed with blood encrusting her splayed fingers and shuddered. She closed her eyes, trying to block out reality, but the voices continued in her head.

Guilty!
She couldn’t breathe; she was unworthy, she was unclean, she was guilty! She accepted those truths and felt her self-worth shrivel up until there was nothing left.

Guilty!
For she had been there in the crowd, mocking him and spitting upon him and crying out, “Crucify Him!” with all the rest of them.

Guilty!
She had innocent blood on her hands; she had done this. She had done the unforgivable.

Guilty!
She fell to her knees and covered her face in her hands. She had accepted Christ as her savior many years ago but never had she understood, not until now. She was no better than any of them; she was guilty.

Yet suddenly gentle hands lifted her chin and piercing eyes looked into hers.
Her mouth fell open in silent shock. It was Him; He was here!
He pulled her to her feet and opened His arms wide.
“I am here,” He said.
She cast her gaze on the ground, grief evident on her face.
“I am unworthy,” she said.
He looked at her with mournful eyes. “You are my beloved child, and I long to comfort you, yet you will not come to my arms.”
She was ashamed, and tears welled up in her eyes. She ran to His welcoming arms, and He held her tight.
“I love you,” He said. “I have forgiven you. Even as you mocked me I forgave you. Apart from Me you are unworthy, you are unclean without Me, but with My blood I have made you clean; in me you are made worthy.”

She dared to believe the truth now. She was worthy.

“I have forgiven you,” He continued. “I bore even your guilt and your shame on My back. The grave has been conquered! Do not weigh yourself down with this burden of guilt. You have admitted your wrong, and I have forgiven you. Now, let it go. By grace, by my grace you have been saved from the just punishment you would have otherwise, for the wrongs you have committed against me.
You are my beloved child,” He said.
“Remember that I love you. I have cleansed you from all unrighteousness. I have paid the price. Though you may fail Me, I will still love you and long for you to return to Me. Now go in peace, I ask of you this one thing: that you tell those trapped in their guilt just as you once were of My love for them. For My love for them is unconditional, just as is My love for you, but I disdain their sin. I long for them to come to Me.
Tell them.
Now go.”

camping.

2011-10-16T21:10:00.001-05:00

white.

2011-10-14T22:23:00.000-05:00

paper lanters and forgetting...

2011-10-13T20:36:00.000-05:00

kangaroos and rain.

2011-10-12T21:23:00.000-05:00

its an origami kangaroo. :D

2011-10-11T08:55:00.002-05:00

I feel really bad.
i haven't posted anything I've written in a long time.
that will hopefully change soon;
we are going camping this weekend and I think I will be writing alot. yay for forests.
I thank thee, invisible non-existent people, for reading mine humble blog.

nature preserve.

2011-10-08T22:38:00.002-05:00

Melissa.

2011-10-06T20:46:00.000-05:00

mock senior pictures.

2011-10-05T21:13:00.001-05:00

The clock simply mocks.

2011-10-03T21:07:00.001-05:00

This describes the feeling you get when you cannot sleep at night.
The clock is mocking me, with every tick and every tock. Time is passing, it says with a sneer, and you can do nothing. Later and later still it grows and you are powerless.
And so I sit here, unable to do a thing, and the clock sneers and jeers. I cover my head with my arms, yet the clock laughs and every tick is like a cheese grater imbedded in a skinned knee.

galaxies

2011-10-03T20:57:00.001-05:00

holes.

2011-10-02T21:32:00.000-05:00

2011-09-30T22:09:00.003-05:00

feather!

2011-09-28T21:30:00.001-05:00

blatant emotion.

2011-09-28T11:29:00.001-05:00

the world.

2011-09-26T21:20:00.001-05:00

we are awesome.

2011-09-24T21:28:00.000-05:00

we massacred those thorn trees.

anna!

2011-09-23T20:45:00.003-05:00

second favorite^
favorite!^

tie for second favorite^

waiting for rain.

2011-09-22T20:21:00.000-05:00

sunflairrr

2011-09-21T21:37:00.000-05:00

golden hour.

2011-09-21T12:41:00.000-05:00

all arms and legs.

2011-09-19T21:46:00.000-05:00

of stairs.

2011-09-18T22:05:00.000-05:00

of weddings.

2011-09-16T22:43:00.000-05:00

sorta lomo style.

2011-09-15T20:53:00.000-05:00

yesterday and today.

2011-09-14T22:04:00.000-05:00

words are bleeding out of my skin.

2011-09-12T21:41:00.002-05:00

I don't love you but I always will.
I have no choice but I choose you.

adventures with matilda.

2011-09-11T21:21:00.003-05:00

day one.

2011-09-09T17:28:00.000-05:00

first day of classes. can you see my enthusiasm?

wanderlust.

2011-09-08T21:04:00.000-05:00

forgotten yesterdays

2011-09-07T20:55:00.000-05:00

bike ride.

2011-09-05T18:15:00.000-05:00

I think you'll be seeing a lot of Matilda. ^

adventuring.

2011-09-04T18:49:00.000-05:00

new hat.

2011-09-03T20:11:00.004-05:00

torrents of words.

2011-09-02T21:59:00.002-05:00

Torrents of words
Are racing through my veins
And my wrists are pounding
Like the force of the surf on the sand.

These words are bleeding out of my skin,
Leaking out from under my fingernails,
And I can hardly breathe
Under the pressure of
The many waters,
Of the torrent within me.

This dried out blood in my veins.

2011-09-01T21:38:00.001-05:00

This dried out blood in my veins
Is weighing me down,
Is pulling me to the ground,
And my heart is beating slowly, slowly.
The bile is rising in my throat,
And I am choking, choking
On the taste of your horrendous deeds.
The air is stale in my lungs,
And I am struggling, struggling to breathe
I am gasping for air.
And every teardrop is a waterfall.

I don't know what this is supposed to mean.
what does it make you feel?

fishtail braids and fisheye lenses.

2011-09-01T18:03:00.000-05:00

open your eyes and see.

2011-08-31T21:55:00.000-05:00

yesterday.

2011-08-31T12:54:00.000-05:00

my favorite^

Hiding.

2011-08-29T20:13:00.001-05:00

libraries.

2011-08-27T21:11:00.001-05:00

I can troll in libraries just fine.

I ran into emily at the library and we took pictures.

slipping off the edge.

2011-08-26T20:30:00.000-05:00

Diptych.

2011-08-24T21:25:00.000-05:00

You have had your fill, your fill of me.

2011-08-23T10:01:00.002-05:00

She was a wistful kind of girl, always with her head in the clouds. She seemed to not have a care in the world, but really, her heart was in knots. She had hidden deep inside her the memory of pain, of when she had let her guard down and her heart had been ripped out and was thrown to the floor in a crowd, and trampled by many harsh feet.
She suspected one or two had ended up stuck to someone’s shoe; so her heart had a him shaped hole.
So she wore flowery dresses and pretended she didn’t care.
She was a flighty thing; a girl people reached out to touch, but she had already slipped away. She was afraid that if she let herself love, the pain would be too great when they cast her aside. She tried to ignore her tangled, knotted heart; but she would lay in the grass, and her mind would flash back to a day not much unlike this one. It was the day he had stepped into her life, but she hurled the memory hard at a brick wall; and she watched the pieces shatter and fall to the ground.
The truth was, she had led herself to believe that she had a chance when there was none, that there was hope when all was hopeless.
And that is when the first strands of her heart began to unravel.

the adventures of little owl and blue horse.

2011-08-22T21:14:00.001-05:00

A radical concept.

2011-08-22T16:02:00.001-05:00

She had come in late, so she had slipped into the back and tried to listen. Her mind could not concentrate, and she fidgeted. She had not been able to sit still ever since her thoughts had been consumed by this idea. The idea that it didn’t so much matter how popular she was in high school, and it didn’t matter if she fell in love or finally found the right guy. The idea that all that really mattered was being consumed with the burning passion to serve Jesus with her life, to make her life count for eternity.
She chewed her lip.
These things had been branded into her thoughts by a young man. He had been thrown into her life, and she had not seen him coming. Friends they had become, yet she knew that if he had to choose between being friends with anyone else and knowing Jesus, he would pick Jesus every single time. That is how much it meant to him. She had learned this from him during their very first conversation. He had asked her, “What do you have that is worth living and dying for?”
She couldn’t answer that, but she could see him answer it for himself with every part of his life.
He didn’t listen to the people around him who were trying to pressure him into listening to the popular kind of music, into having the girlfriend, or striving after being popular. Instead, he seemed to live in a bubble. He was good looking for that matter, but he wasn’t interested in girls in that way. At least, he was willing to wait for the girl God would bring his way, or else be single for the rest of his life. He wasn’t concerned with the things of this world. It was almost too much for her to comprehend. The things he strove to become were so different compared to what the world shouted at them to look like, to be passionate about.
All he wanted to do was to show others the love of Jesus that had so drastically changed his life.

It was because of him that she was consumed by this idea. And now, all she could think about, was that she wanted to be like him. She wanted to be so filled with love for my Savior that nothing else matters.
From that time forward, she learned what it was to be committed to serving Him with her whole heart, and what He meant when He said, “You will be hated by all because of my name.”
She gave up so much, she threw so many dreams aside to serve Him, but she knew that there was nothing better than to glorify God with her life.
And she also knew that it had to have been God that sent that young man into her life, for if it weren’t for his radical thinking, she would have wasted her life.

I think what I'm trying to say with this is, sometimes God puts a person in your life so that you make choices you might not otherwise have made. And just think. What if you were that person for someone?

A prickly bush is not fun.

2011-08-21T21:48:00.001-05:00

8.20.11

2011-08-20T18:14:00.001-05:00

what if we were all disposable?

2011-08-18T21:07:00.001-05:00

that awesome wall.

2011-08-17T12:33:00.000-05:00

Late night writings.

2011-08-16T11:42:00.001-05:00

I honestly don't remember writing most of this. And my mind works in an interesting way late at night.

Tick tock
The clock
Is the only noise inside the house.
Outside, cars, voices
Leave the night in never ending noise.
Across the street
Someone is having a party.
I can hear the music
But the stars are tired
They want to go to bed,
So be quiet, strange people.
The refrigerator whirrs in the kitchen
Accompanied by that tick tick
That never seems to end.
The harsh silhouette of a tree
Breaks the outline of the sky.
There is nothing but silence.
These walls are stained
With memories
Powdery silent memories.
A sleepy hummingbird flies by
Looking for its little nest
And I follow it
Back to my own.
Goodnight.